I do not like family blogs to be an outlet for political feelings, but I felt this particular post was really important.
Many of my friends and family have been very outspoken about their beliefs about traditional vs. same sex marriage. Most of them are for same sex marriage. I believe we are all entitled to our own opinion. What I take issue with is the anger most of these same friends and family start emitting when this subject comes up. It bothers me that they get so contentious. A very bad feeling comes into the room, and it really depresses my spirit. It affects my children. If they could talk about it without the contention, it would be one thing, but most of the time this is NOT the case.
Because of this I have felt that I need to stand up for what I believe. I have had several friendships with gay and lesbian people. I love them very much. I think they are amazing people and I have been blessed by their friendships. I do not agree with their lifestyle choices, but I love them, and their lifestyle choices have nothing at all to do with whether I love them or not. I make decisions in my life that they probably don't agree with either. There are other lifestyle choices I also do not believe in. I don't believe in living together before you are married, and having sex before you are married. Not just because of how I was brought up, but for personal experiences I have had in my own life. I also don't vaccinate my children. I have researched this and with BJ we have decided that our children can be better "immunized" in other ways. Other people who live together and aren't married, or who vaccinate their children, that's their choice. So why is it different for same sex marriage? Why do I not support it?
Do you really want to know? Or are you looking for a fight? Are you angry already, or do you really care about why I would feel this way? The reasons I have for what I believe about this particular issue are extremely personal to me. I hesitate to share these feelings because they are so personal, and if you are already angry then you will take what I say and hurt me with them. This would feel like a huge betrayal, and I don't know if that is a place I want to go.
So for those who are really interested here you go:
-First of all, from a scientific point of view man and woman were meant to be together. Our bodies fit together in a really special way. Procreation can only happen with a man and a woman. I am not talking about invetro, I am talking about the natural procreation of babies.
-From a psycological view, children deserve a dad and a mom. Men and women bring totally different things to a family. Yes there are bad dads and bad moms out there, I am not talking about them. Yes there are very happy families with just a mom, or dad, or grandparents, etc. And I am not saying that kids can not be happy with two moms, etc. I am saying that children deserve to have a mom and a dad. It is something you can not create in any other dynamic. Single parents can verify that. You just can't make up the difference. I know some women who are so loving, and would make amazing moms who are living a lesbian lifestyle, but to me, as much as I love these women with all of my heart, what the children need and deserve is more important.
-Childrens needs are more important than adults needs, in almost everycase I can think of. I feel this way about adoption too. I knwo you can get so caught up in the weird psychology of international adoption, etc. But what it comes down to for me, is that kids need love, and every kid deserves a mom and a dad. Every kid deserves those two things, and nothing is more important than that. No adults' feelings are more important than that. And maybe if adults would be less selfish, both men and women, there would be a million less divorce in the world, and abuse, and infidelity.
-On a really really personal note(I really hesitate to say this because I have never EVER spoken about this to anyone, except BJ, and only once), my Mom doesn't even know. When I was a child I was exposed to some really innapropriete sexual material. I was really really young, like maybe five or younger, and I started to have some sexual feelings towards other girls. I didn't understand it that way, and I didn't feel those things on purpose, but I had them. Really strong sexual feelings. But at the same time I felt these feelings were extremely wrong. Not because someone told me they were wrong, no one knew I had these feelings, but I knew in my heart, even as a young young child that these feelings were very wrong, and that I had a choice what to do about them. And I chose not to have them. And I don't have them, I haven't had them since. To this day, sexual material in movies and books really bother me. I think that those feelings are sacred and should be shared withing in the bonds of matrimony where they are appropriete and are beautiful. I get upset about crude things because it is just like seeing sexual things as a child, absolutely innapropriete. So when I tell you that I feel that sexual attraction toward the same sex makes me uncomfortable, I am not just saying it to be a prude, or a republican:), or to be religious or whatever. There are deep feelings of wrongness that I feel about it from the innocence of my childhood. And like I said, I have friends who are lesbians and who are gay and I love them, I love some of them millions and millions. But I have to defend what feels right in the very core of me.
So I probably have other feelings about this topic as well, but those are the main ones that I feel strongest about. I am not a great debater. I HATE conflict. I HATE contention. I know someone else could have said all this much better. I know my grammar and spelling suck. This is hard for me to write, and I know it will probably hurt some of my dearest friends, but I have to say it. I have to defend traditional marriage. I have to defend the future of my children. And it does affect other people, it affects the family, it affects future generations. You can't keep this kind of thing from NOT affecting family and other people. This is different than smoking and other things people have had problems with in the past.
I have felt sick to my stomach with anxiety writing this,but please know I am speaking from my heart. And I really need you to know that I will never EVER be on the contentious side of this side of the argument. I may rally and protest, but I WILL NEVER do it with hate, or have horrible, untrue signs about God not loving someone because of their lifestyle choices. I know you can love people and not agree with them. I know it. I don't say things perfectly, so please try to understand what I mean in this post.
love
Clair
